yojo2026

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  • Living With “Smiling Depression”

    Someone I work with at my part-time job once told me,
    “You always look so happy.”

    The truth is, I’ve been living with a quiet heaviness for the past two years.

    Only my younger sister knows what that really means.

    Why is it so hard to let people see that I’m not okay?

    People say meeting more people will help.
    They say I just need to get out more.

    But even that feels overwhelming.

    When I meet people,
    I spend more energy hiding myself
    than actually being present.

    Much later, I learned there was a name for this —
    “smiling depression.”
    I didn’t realize other people were living this way too.

    The only thing I know how to do to keep going
    is to wake up early,
    watch the sunrise,
    and run along the river.

    So today,
    I run again.

  • Zero Visitors on My WordPress (And I’m Okay With It)

    No one has visited my WordPress yet.


    It has been two weeks since I started.
    Still zero.


    Strangely, I feel a little comfortable.


    Since no one is reading,
    I don’t have to be careful.
    I don’t have to sound impressive.
    I just write what I think.


    But I wonder how long this will last.


    How long will this stay
    a place just for me?


    If more people begin to read,
    will I still write the same way?


    I hope I will.

  • A good day ultimately begins with good food.

    I had noodles again today.

    It’s not every time.
    But often enough, sleep rushes in.

    Today, I ended up falling asleep.
    Even though I had so much to do.

    It’s not a lack of willpower.
    My body simply reacts this way.

    There is a scientific reason for it.
    When I eat noodles, my blood sugar rises quickly.
    And then it drops just as fast.
    In that moment, my brain feels like it’s running out of energy.
    So I get sleepy, foggy, and I stop.

    Then I blame myself.
    Why am I so weak?

    But the truth is simple.
    The fuel was wrong.
    If I want my day to run properly,
    I need better fuel.

    If I want to stay focused,
    I have to change what I eat
    before I question my willpower.

  • At Night, I Want It. By Morning, I Don’t.

    Every night, there are foods I crave.

    Mostly spicy and intense ones.
    Gopchang—grilled beef intestines. Pasta.

    If I eat them, I fall asleep quickly.
    The next day, I always regret it.
    The number on the scale goes up,
    and waking up becomes harder.

    “I’ll definitely eat it tomorrow.”
    If I tell myself that and go to bed,
    at least there is no regret.

    The strange part is this:
    the next morning,
    the food still comes to mind—
    but I don’t want it anymore.
    The night before, it felt urgent.

    By morning,
    the desire is gone.

    A big betrayal of the brain.

    And when night comes again,
    it starts over.

  • Living With Anterior Pelvic Tilt: Weak Core, Tight Hamstrings and What I’m Doing About It

    Getting to Know My Body

    If I had to list the things I want to improve about my body, there are six:

    • Anterior pelvic tilt
    • A much weaker-than-average core
    • Glutes (especially glute medius) that don’t activate well
    • Very tight hamstrings
    • Forward head posture
    • Limited hip internal rotation (I can’t do Mermaid pose)

    These six issues are not separate.
    They are connected.

    That doesn’t mean my body is “bad.”

    I’ve run 10km marathons.
    I was athletic in school.
    I ran relay races.
    My muscle mass is average.

    I’m not weak.
    I just have a specific structural pattern.

    I Thought It Was Just My Body Type

    Ever since I was little, I stood with my belly pushed forward.

    Adults in my neighborhood even remember me that way.

    “Oh, the kid who stood with her stomach sticking out.”

    At the time, I didn’t know it was a structural issue.

    I barely engaged my core when standing.
    My lower back was excessively arched.
    Of course my stomach looked like it was pushed out.

    I simply thought,
    “Maybe this is just my body type.”

    I assumed it was genetic.
    My father stands the same way.

    When we lie down, both of us naturally lift our legs.

    I never questioned it. It just felt comfortable.

    But later I realized why.

    When I lie flat, my lower back feels uncomfortable.
    Lifting my legs presses my lower back into the floor and makes it feel stable.

    I had been compensating without knowing it.

    Because I’ve lived like this my whole life,
    I didn’t recognize that it wasn’t neutral.

    Just Because It Doesn’t Hurt Yet

    When I started Pilates,
    an instructor seriously asked me if my lower back hurt.

    That was the first time I considered
    that my lower back might be taking too much load.

    So far, I haven’t had major pain.

    But just because it hasn’t hurt yet
    doesn’t mean it won’t.

    That realization changed something for me.

    The Easy Way vs. The Right Way

    If you asked me what I want to work on first,
    I’d say hamstring stretching.

    It’s the easiest.
    You feel it immediately.

    But the fastest way forward is probably not the easiest one.

    It’s my core.

    I can only hold a plank for 10 seconds.

    So I searched for the simplest core exercise to start with.

    The answer was: dead bugs.

    It looks simple.
    Lying on your back, slowly moving opposite arm and leg.

    But for me, it’s not easy at all.

    Still, I’m not trying to start big.

    I want to start small enough to be consistent.

    Before becoming more flexible,
    I need to become more stable.

    If you have a similar body pattern,
    maybe start with dead bugs too.

    I’m starting now.

  • Hand Embroidery Process: Blue Spiral

    blue leaf spiral hand embroidery

    I wanted to create a spiral using only running stitch and simple leaves.

    The goal was to build a flowing shape that even beginners could stitch.

    After finishing it,I realized the rhythm of the stitches is not yet stable.The spiral structure also needs refinement.

    This is the first study.

    In the next time, I plan to adjust the spacing, size, and number of the leaves and refine the overall flow.

    Making something that looks simpleis harder than it seems.

  • adjectives

    I once read that you should choose a few adjectives
    to describe the person you want to become,
    and keep them in mind when you act.

    After narrowing them down,
    these are mine:

    Wise.
    Thoughtful.
    Graceful.

    That’s the kind of person I want to be.
  • Hand Embroidery Process: Blue Pot

    Hand Embroidery Process: Blue Pot

    blue pot hand embroidery hoop art

    blue pot floral embroidery pattern

    Today, I spent the entire day working on this blue pot hand embroidery piece.

    Before stitching, I kept adjusting the pattern. Fixing the lines again and again, trying to make them cleaner.

    In my head, the finished embroidery looked beautiful. But once I started stitching, it turned uneven. The shape wasn’t as smooth as I imagined, and the surface looked messy.

    I felt frustrated.

    I realized the satin stitch might not be right on larger areas. It turns uneven too easily, and I don’t like how it looks here. I think I need a different stitch — something more interesting, something I can control better.

    This is still a work in progress.That’s it for today.

  • Three Small Addictions

    I’ve always thought
    that once something becomes an addiction,
    it’s better to step away from it.
    Whatever it is.

    Lately, I think I might be addicted
    to three things.

    -Watching videos on my phone.
    -Caffeine.
    -Carbohydrates.

    When I wake up,
    I start playing videos
    without even thinking.
    After a meal,
    I almost automatically think about coffee.
    Even when I’m not hungry,
    carbohydrates circle around in my head.

    I told myself I should cut all three out.

    But I learned that breaking an addiction
    takes more willpower than I expected.
    Pulling something out of my mind
    when it keeps coming back
    is harder than it sounds.

    Two things seem to help.
    One is placing myself in a busy environment—
    especially when I’m around other people.
    The other is saying it out loud
    to my own brain:
    “You don’t need this right now.”

    I’m not free from them yet.
    But at least
    I’m no longer following them
    without noticing.

  • Before My Willpower Runs Out

    After reading a few self-development books,
    I noticed something they all repeat.

    Willpower gets depleted.

    So the important things
    should be finished
    before it runs out.

    Then why
    have I been making my schedules
    as if that didn’t matter at all?

    Maybe
    it wasn’t that I lacked willpower.
    Maybe
    I just placed my time in the wrong order.

    The things I always postpone,
    and even the new things I hesitate to begin—
    today,
    I move them
    to the morning.